There are days where the fact that my father is dead does not seem real. There is a hole in my heart. The pain is not a searing one like it was when he passed away. It is an uncomfortably numb sensation similar to those that have lost a limb or a member of their body. You know that it is gone, but you still feel it, as if it was still there. Right now, it feels that my life is divided into two parts: Life with Dad and Life without Dad. I know in time that this uneasiness will pass and that the precious memories that I had with my father will remain. Yet, it still hurts, and I feel lost.
2018 is about three hours away. I am glad that 2017 is about to pass into the history books. 2017 has been a rough year for me. I lost my father to complications of lung cancer. I have had a number of other events that have occurred in my life that kicked me in the guts. To be honest, in years past, those setbacks would have been severely detrimental to me. However, I have things in my life that give it meaning, such as my wife and my girls. They give me the strength to carry on, even when I don’t want to do so. I know that they will help me to have a happy new year in 2018.
To my friends, both far and near, I quote you these lines from one of my favorite holiday songs:
“I wish you a brave new year
All anguish, pain and sadness
Leave your heart and let your road be clear.”