A smart-ass white boy / Public Defender’s interpretation of recent & notable appellate decisions:

As a public service to my readers that are not trained to understand legalese, please let me distill these decisions into a form that represents the essence of the decision in a form that easy for y’all to understand.

Florida v. Powell: Sure, the Miranda warnings that the police read to the perp was not clear and sure, there were a number of learned jurists that interpreted it in two diametrically opposing ways, but do you really expect us to order the police to use a standardized Miranda warning? Get real. Criminals are quite bright, and we do not give them enough credit for their street smarts. Furthermore, criminals watch a lot of television, especially police dramas & COPS. They know what their rights are. Hell, when we upheld Miranda a few years back in Dickerson, we recognized it is a part of our national culture, just like baseball & apple pie.

Maryland v. Shatzer: Once you up and ask for that attorney, do you really expect us to let it stand forever? Look, everything has an expiration date, even your rights. We understand that you invoking rights is important, but your rights are vastly overrated. Look, police have to solve crimes. If they do not, it is bad for public relations. Therefore, to help the police out, we are giving them a time certain to know when they can haul your sorry butt back into the interrogation room to question you. However, do not worry. The police have a renewed sense of professionalism that will protect you from any mistreatment. Trust us.

Brooks v. City of Seattle: Look, I do not care if you are seven months pregnant lady. .

If I tell you the sign the damn ticket, you will sign the damn thing or I will taser you and your unborn child’s ass.

State v. Weis – My friend, Gideon beat me to the punch. Read his take here.


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