Torment

I hate this time of the year, especially at night. It is when I hear him more. He laughs at me. He taunts me with horrible thoughts on how the accident occurred. He tells me that the killer’s car was airborne as hit Kim’s car head on. He knows that it tears my heart out when he tells me that the airbag that was designed to save Madison’s life was cause of snapping her infantile spine. He ponders was Madison’s death painless or a slow drawn out process? His words reduce me to tears. Undaunted, my tormentor continues. He reminds me that Kim never had a chance and how she had to be sent to Georgia Crime Lab to autopsied. With a gleam in his eye, he smacks his lips with anticipation on seeing how I react to his malevolent diatribes.

Seeing that I am barely hanging on despite his best efforts, my persecutor takes a new tact. He comments that would not the killer of Kim and Madison be one of my clients, if the accident took place a few miles down the road? With hatred blazing in his eyes and on his breath, he tells me that I am fool to expect to make a difference in the lives of my clients. He declares that they are worthless, listless, and the dredges of society. My clients should be exterminated like vermin. He notes that with all that has happened to my brother that I have the unmitigated gall to represent a man that has not only killed one man in a driving “accident,” but also a mother and her child. The words of my nemesis cuts me like a knife. With each new word, a fresh new wound is created and each injury is deeper and more painful than the last. My foe only relents temporarily. He reminds me that no matter where I go he will be there to hector me.

I wish that I can say that my enemy is some bitter relative. I wish that I can say that my tormentor is an unforgiving prosecutor. I cannot. My enemy is me. These are some of the thoughts that been racing through my mind for the last two years, since the death of my sister in law and my youngest niece (Kim and Madison). However, I carry on with my life and practice. I believe that man is inherently good. I believe that every man is deserving a second chance. My God was willing to sacrifice all of glory to redeem me, even though I did not do a thing to deserve it, because he loved me. How can I not give my fellow man the benefit of doubt or a modicum of love? So, no matter how hard the evil angels of my nature beset me with these horrendous thoughts, I will carry on. I have to. If not for me, for Kim and Madison.

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