I am an assistant public defender. I represent poor people that have been charged with a criminal offense. I spend a lot of time walking through the wreckage of my clients’ lives. Also, I represent clients charged with crimes that would make you wince. To keep sane, I try to laugh at the absurd things that happen to me.
To illustrate, I was working in Elbert County State Court back in late 2001. It was trial week. I had disposed of most of my trial cases. Yet, I got appointed to a case of gas drive off. The client was a young black female. She was dressed in ripped blue jeans. To be blunt, if she was not wearing boxer shorts, she would have been arrested for public indecency. Furthermore, she was wearing a tube top, and it was evident that she was not wearing anything underneath said tube top. She had animal track tattoos going from her chest to her shoulders. To top off this fashion nightmare, she was wearing a Members Only jacket. I did not know if she was represent the old school trend at the time or if she was just poor as dirt. Anyhow, she was ranting to me that she had been a loyal customer to this gas station before and after the alleged date of the crime. I asked if she had paid for the gas on the date in question. Despite pumping the gas, going in the store, and purchasing a coke and cigarettes, she said that she did not pay for the gas. I explained to her that if she went to trial, she would lose her freedom and her license. I got the solicitor to allow my client to plea to another charge, pay $6 restitution, be banned from the gas station for a year.
After I got done with her plea, I went back to my office to prepare for a DUI trial. My investigator came back to tell me that my female client had a message for me. Even if I was married, she wanted to let me know that I was welcomed at her home at any time. Plus, that the menfolk call her lovemaking “da bomb.” I cannot listen to that song with lyric, “You dropped the bomb on me” without laughing.
Other examples of absurdity:
1. I have had a client claim that I am not white,
2. I have been inducted into a black prison gang without being raped,
3. I have had to represent my 2nd cousin, and if was the first time that I had laid eyes on him,
4. I have represented a black juvenile midget.